I
recalled that I had a dream last night that Andrew was alive, well, and looking
for work. He told me he wanted something meaningful and not boring. He said, “I
can’t keep _______ for the rest of my life”. The blank space represents a blank
in my memory of the dream. In the dream I was completely empathetic and encouraged him to think of things
that he loves doing. I also advised him to form his own company so he could be
in charge and not worry about being hired or fired. I said, “You will only be
accountable to yourself and your customers. Andrew was not depressed in the
dream. He had a lot of energy and it was so good being with him. I tried to think of what this dream might be telling
me.
It occurred to me, that
of course, it was my own occupation that my dream of Andrew was highlighting.
Here I am not working at a regular job. I am filling my days doing what I feel
like doing. Bike riding, bridge, art, reading, visiting with friends, doing
yoga in the morning with Lou and bopping down to DC to see the grand babies
whenever the time is right.
Maybe my dream was trying to tell me that I
need to find what I love doing. Should I have a focus or a goal or just take
each day as it comes? Right now, I love
the options being retired has given me. Each day seems a bit like a blank
slate. This may be the first time in my adult life where I have had what feels
like complete freedom. I am finding it invigorating and somewhat unbelievable.
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