WHY AM I WRITING THIS BLOG

          That’s a very good question. At first, I thought I was writing it because I wanted to get more in touch with my feelings. I also wanted to recall Andrew before his suicide. The horror of it seemed to be taking up all my psychic space. Also, I am drawn to stories about suicide and its opposite, living to a very old age.

     I check the obituaries and look at the faces of the people who have died, searching for young people and very old people and reading their stories. If the death notice is vague, sometimes I go kind of crazy for the details. 

     Once, when I saw a picture of a young couple in the Sunday New York Times Obituary Page, I was obsessed with learning what had happened. I ended up googling them and finding their story of flying together to a vacation spot and never arriving; instead, dying in the crash of their private plane, very reminiscent of John and Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. There were few other details of this tragedy and I found myself feeling starved, for what I am not sure.