I do
not know if there is a better or worse to any of this. Andrew obviously did not
make the choice to hang around.
I respect his choice and have gratitude for it
in some very important way. I think my gratitude and relief are related to
removing an unknown. As horrible as the known is in Andrew’s death, I guess for
me it has a sanity that was eluding me when Andrew was living with frustration,
disappointment, and suffering; and I was living with not knowing what might
happen to him next.
While I am usually quite good at putting a positive spin on life,
the underlying anxiety of what might be coming next for him, usually not a
conscious thought, played heavily on me.
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