I thought that if I could learn to manage my own
anxiety by being aware of myself, Andrew would be relieved of at least my
portion of the family anxiety. Then he would only have his own anxiety to deal
with.
I never considered that this family dynamic was all
that Andrew knew and if we took it away from him without simultaneously
discussing what we were doing that he would lose an important relationship dynamic.
Even when Andrew said “You don’t need me anymore”, I thought he was talking about being displaced
in my affections by Angus. It never crossed my mind that he might be saying you
don’t need me anymore to contain the family anxiety.
It occurred to me later that this may have left Andrew
with the emotional freedom he needed to decide to leave us.
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