NEGATIVE PREDICTIONS

Seems it takes years to never to internalize the wisdom of self-awareness. At some point, I realized that while anxiety is existential I do have choices about how I use my anxious energy, probably my  greatest survival tool. It definitely had me by the balls, or whatever the female version of that is.

        All those feelings of rage and bewilderment I directed outward where I had no control. I constantly felt lost and without options. My life seemed painfully driven by Andrew’s illness. The feeling associated with my incessant anxiety was usually anger. 

      I know now that my anger/anxiety, rather than being caused by Andrew’s illness was actually being fueled by my habit of making negative predictions about the future. I expected the worst and then acted like it was already a reality.