NOT WHAT I HOPED FOR

         Ever since my children were small, it has been my goal to figure out how to have an equal-equal relationship with each of them. The parent-child relationship being inherently unequal it seemed to me adult-adult is the only way to go. 

      That means giving up at a very instinctual level my need and demand to remain a parent and by inference my demand that my children in some way remain in need of parenting.

     For me this requires enormous self-discipline which is sometime less than successful. I have to be aware constantly of how I project my uncertainties, inadequacies and unlived life onto others particularly my children. This discipline and the confidence it requires are often illusive.

          

        With Andrew, I eventually made a conscious decision, and with uneven effort, tried to allow him to be the decision maker for his life. The outcome was not what I had hoped for.