ANXIETY

In the back of my mind, I was always a little anxious about Andrew. I wondered than as I wonder now how much of my own anxiety and that of the family was acted out by Andrew. It seemed to me like John and I would often be talking about one of the kids problems when we should have been talking about our own issues individually or as a couple. I do not know if we are a typical couple/family or not. We certainly had our fair share of disagreements, verbal fights, as we dealt with the issues of life including the death of my brother Mike when he was 32 and I was 34

John and I tried to work on our marriage by going to counseling and getting away as a couple once or twice a year. I usually blamed John for everything that was wrong and wanted him to change to make me feel better. By the time, I was 48 I was seeing a shrink every week and getting some insight into my own issues. I was still quite angry and agitated some of the time to much of the time.

 It was about now that I was coming to understand that my manic approach to life and life’s issues-translated as be as productive as you possibly can no matter what. This was often leaving me exhausted and an exhausted Marge is an irritable angry Marge. 

Simply put, I was sometime not very pleasant to be around. I was trying to take good care of my family without taking good care of myself-or even knowing what I needed. I was often filled with anxiety for the family. Maybe not more than typical –maybe less than typical, whatever that is. In other words, living life, some days enjoying life, while sometimes being anguished by it.