MORE OPTIONS

Andrew’s dying has made me question anew all my assumptions about life and death. I believe it has made me question what I do not have control over and what I do.

 In some ways, it seems I have more options when it comes to reacting  to my physical aches and pains and to my feelings and less understanding of why I feel the way I do in the first place.

Since Andrew died,  I have become much more aware of the tension that I hold in my body. I have learned that some deep breathing will center me and ease some of the tension I feel. I am also aware of greater toleration for what others are saying or doing. I have not learned how to give my body a much needed break by limiting the amount of anxiety that I somatize in many different ways

 I seem to have less of a need to react verbally. I am sometimes more able to just be with others and have as much compassion as I can muster for them and myself.

     Any increase in self-awareness and anxiety management is great. I hate to think that it came at the cost of Andrew’s death.