ANOTHER DREAM

I had another short dream that I was watching Andrew jump off the train trestle, landing with full impact, feet first, and crumpling. His great height compacted by the impact of his fall but otherwise he was not disfigured.

In the dream, I wanted to turn away but I did not. I recalled when I went to my first Survivors of Suicide meeting, our leader, Jan, described finding her husband who had hung himself in their home. She said that when she closed her eyes she always saw him hanging in front of her, forcing her to open her eyes. 

   

     After her husband  had been dead for a while, she decided to continue looking at his image until she could own every detail of it and then it seemed to lose its terror for her. I felt this way in my dream today.

            I felt that I could look at Andrew’s fall and see it in a detail I was never able to conjure up before. I hoped that he did not feel anything, that the force of the ground caused him to sever his spinal cord and leave him instantly pain free. I hope that is what happened.