WHAT ABOUT SUICIDE?

May 3, 2014

 WHAT ABOUT SUICIDE?

Schizophrenics are more likely to commit suicide than the general population. Ten percent of people diagnosed with schizophrenia commit suicide within 10 years of diagnosis; 15% within 30 years of diagnosis. It is harder to get a number for the rate of suicide in the general population. A 2006 report by the World Health Organization (WHO) states that nearly a million people take their own lives every year, more than those murdered or killed in war. WHO figures show a suicide takes place somewhere in the world every 40 seconds. Men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women are. It is the 12^th leading cause of death worldwide.

WHO also notes that the most common time of year for suicide is not the winter holiday season as many believed. The late spring and early summer are the most common.  Also by far the most common day of the week for suicide is Monday. Andrew died on Friday, May 29, 2009. But, here is the real mystery; NIH describes suicide as” a major, preventable public health problem”.  Is it preventable? Big question let me get to that a little later on.

I just looked these statistics up on Google and the numbers awe me.  I do not even know why I am talking about or concerned about statistics. Somehow, it represents my need to nail something down. My son is dead and I do not get it. How did this happen, why did it happen.   When I try to understand Andrew’s death, part of me thinks that life happens to us, we are just a victim of our genetics, our dominant neurotransmitters;  another part of me thinks we are definitely in the driver’s seat and responsible for our own success and happiness. I guess like with most things, the truth probably falls somewhere in the middle. Life and death seem complex and unknowable on some level—another part of me wants to understand it, define it, and fully live it.

Since his death, I often ask Andrew, when I speak, to him to let me know how he is doing, where he is. John says just the opposite. When I ask him, “Where is Andrew now?” he emphatically states, “He is dead, he is gone, there is nothing left of Andrew”.  I say "what about his energy, where does that go?" Remember our physics, energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just gets repackaged.”

 I was reading a review of the book, The Swerve in the New York Times, Sunday October 2, 2011, by Sarah Bakewell. It is the story of how a renaissance book dealer saved a text by Lucretius, who was born in 94 BC, went mad, and killed himself at the age of 43. He believed that everything was made of particles, “atoms”, that are infinite and eternal, no one made them, nothing can destroy them. He included humans as being composed of atoms as well, and all of us our connected. Death is not to be feared, it is only a release of atoms into the general pool for reuse. This belief led Lucretius to live his life in pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. He understood that life was transient and we should avoid the two basic human foibles; fear of what we cannot avoid and desire of what we cannot have. He recommends as an alternative an acceptance of all life as transient and a serious contemplation of the wonder of the world as it is. When I read this it resonated with me, but, then there was a catch in my mind that said,” I wonder if this is rationalizing in the face of pain.”  My answer is that it probably is a case of my trying to deal with the irrationality of life and that is a good thing. It allows me to direct my energies toward relationship with the world, others and myself in pursuit of understanding and enjoying my connectedness. Having said that, I still feel like I want to hold on to Andrew. While I understand that his suicide was a way of giving him (and me) a much-needed rest, his life is over and so is a part of mine.

More tomorrow