I do know I cried out to your father that I did not
know it would be this hard when we knew you were missing but before we knew you were
dead.
It was almost as if I knew it was coming and maybe wanted it to come, to
get relief. Relief from what?
The worst thing has happened, where is the
relief? This is hard to talk about and harder yet to understand.
I think I may
have been suffering with you. Not for you, but in some way the part of my
biology--that was in you or you in me or both-- was actively suffering.
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