Kristie, our next-door neighbor who now lives in New England,
invited us to their baby’s first birthday pig roast celebration in Vermont.
We
decided not to go and instead to be at home over the holiday.
We did have
dinner with Rich and Eileen on Sunday but other than that, John and I were
alone. We brought up Andrew often.
I have begun to refer to my state of mind as
my Andrew index. Both John and I had high Andrew indexes over the weekend. My
distress took the form of imagining that Marnie and Eileen were upset with me.
As I mentioned before, it is often difficult for me to connect and attribute my
feelings of distress with Andrew’s death. My shrink suggested that I talk aloud
to Andrew. This has been helpful. It has put me more in touch with my sadness
and maybe more accepting of his death.
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