FEELING JOINED

These friends all knew me since Andrew’s early childhood—Karen since before he was born.

As we were walking home, I was next to Joan who had dropped off some of her beautiful peonies for me on Andrews’s death day with a wonderful card remembering Andrew. 

As I was thanking Joan for these kind gifts, I felt what a salve, other peoples remembrances of Andrew are to me. Somehow, the spontaneous sharing of my loss by these friends is an indescribable luxury.

 I could feel my loss while being supported. I felt joined

MY EXTENDED FAMILY

All my extended Wallingford family, as they are now,  have managed to duplicate the caring that I have with my real sisters and brothers.

 What is it that happens to me when I am in the presence of all these friends?   I feel love, stimulation, annoyance, joy, peace, discoveries, conflicts, and competition, containment, humor, acceptance, judgment, and compassion.

 Most of all I feel gratitude for the guidance on how to be a better person by being a better friend. 

WHAT WOULD i DO WITHOUT THEM

I was taking a walk yesterday with some very good friends. We have been walking every Saturday morning for many years. Karen, Lynn, Joan and I were the regulars with Connie joining us sometime. Now that she has relocated to Florida and the beach, we see her less often

I have known these women since our kids were little. What a great resource now and in the past. When I stop to think about all the kindness that has come my way, it literally astounds me. My heart beats faster. What would I do without them? 

A GIFT

I told each of my brothers and sisters separately that I needed them to come, that I could not do this alone. They said when do you want us and I said right now. All of my sisters were at my house by 3 AM, coming from the DC metropolitan area and my brothers Tom and Dave who were in Mt. Airy Maryland and the Baltimore suburbs came the next day. My youngest brother John came from Kansas soon after.

Marnie and Lou went over to tell Lynn and Bill next door. They came over to join us immediately and would stay at our side continually as we endured the wake and the funeral and days and weeks beyond.

Being embraced by our community of family and friends was a gift. We absolutely needed it to move us from day to day.

It felt like they literally carried us or showed us the way or did it for us or for so many days after they fed us and expected nothing of us.

THERE WAS NOTHING MORE FOR US TO DO

Realizing there was nothing more for us there I said “Let’s go home”.

By now it was late maybe 11 PM. We all went back to our house and crowded into our sunroom. I said, “Let’s call Melissa”. 

Then I called all seven of my living siblings and told them the sad news one by one. I said, “Andrew’s gone”, not really being able to say Andrew is dead.

When I asked where Andrew was, they told us that they had taken Andrew’s body out by a back road through the local college and then directly to the coroner’s office.

 We would be able to see him after a mandatory autopsy. The police were professional and gentle with us. 

The reality of it all was and is simply unimaginable. 

A SECOND SEARCH

The police explained that after their previous call when they had searched the trestle and found nothing, an older officer had come on duty late in the day and he said “let me go look, I know the area pretty well’. He then did another search. 

He went and he found Andrew already dead. Andrew had his wallet on him. 

The police told us that they then had to wait to shut down the trains so they could get a team in to retrieve Andrew’s body